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The scent of our Rosemary perfume wafted into my nose and I opened my heavy eyes.
Wow! Its morning already.
I knew if I checked the mirror, my eyes would be hotter than fire. I didn’t even know when I drifted into sleep. My husband’s odd behavior drove me really crazy last night!
As I opened my eyes, I saw Dave standing before the king-sized mirror knotting his tie.
He looked really handsome and the suit was his perfect size! But his hair? His hair wasn’t combed at all. Why?
God please help me to be the Proverbs 31 virtuous lady. Don’t let me chase my husband out oh God! Give me wisdom. What do I know is on his mind now? What will I do?
I sighed deeply and adjusted on the bed. I cleared my throat because it had become croaky from the last night’s cries. He turned back to look at me. Then he faced the mirror again.
“Good morning” he muttered
“Good morning dear. I waited for you last night. I didn’t even know when you came in. I am so sorry for all that transpired last night. How was your night?” I asked as I sat up. I was weak!
“Good” was all Dave said.
I stood up and walked close to him. He shifted away from the way to avoid contact with me. I looked into his face and really, he was avoiding an eye contact. I didn’t want to start any argument again.
I forcefully held his hand and he relaxed, still looking away. I hugged him and he stiffened.
Our hug was like a lady hugging a pole. He didn’t hold me, he didn’t say anything but I heard his heartbeat. It was beating so fast. I rest my head on his chest to comfort him.
What can I do for you little heart? I asked myself softly.
Dave gently pulled me away.
“I am late” he said, walking towards the bed.
I went to my dressing table and picked up a tail comb.
“Dave, if you don’t want my hand to touch you, at least my comb can?” I asked him. He sat on the arm chair obediently. I went closer and combed his hair gently, praying as I did.
I remembered three days ago while I combed his hair, he was saying
“Mummy, it’s painful.” Like a crying kid
“Painful ke! No o. you are the one that said you wanted afro o. Now, you have it. Endure it. You don buy job” I played along.
We had laughed over it that day. But today, the silence was thick. It was as if a huge wall of Jericho had been built between Dave and I.
“Lovely Lizzy, I have missed you. I am really sorry that I made you cry and worried . But the best I can do for you now is to avoid you. I really can’t look into your eyes now. Lizzy, I am sorry” I thought as Liz’s beautiful, soft hands worked on the bush of my head. I felt my heart so pained that it was about to rip open. What is happening to me?
Just as I was about putting finishing touches to what I was doing on his head, he stood up abruptly making my hand to be suspended in the air.
He walked to the table, picked his briefcase and hurriedly, he went to the door.
He looked back at me where I was still glued to a spot. He gave me a fake smile.
“I am late. Sorry” he opened the door and left. I breathed out so loud I thought it would wake my baby.
“Isn’t this Dave?” I asked myself.
I walked to the window side and saw as Adamu opened the gate for him to drive out.
“We didn’t even pray together. May God’s eyes never look away from you for once my husband” I prayed silently.
I walked to the small bed, checked Blossom and she was really sucking her thumb. I gently removed it from her mouth.
“Blessed girl! Instead of sucking real food from Mummy’s body, it’s your hand you want to finish eating ” I said softly and pecked her forehead.
I picked up my Bible, went beside my bed and knelt down to pray.
Everything around me needs prayers!
“God, thank you for giving me Dave. No matter what happens, I love him so much. I am afraid that he is going through some hard time now that he doesn’t want me to know about. God, tell me something. You told me to marry him. I have done so. Then, don’t leave me alone in this…” I was babbling on and on as I usually did when I talked to God. I have grown to a point where I have made him my friend. I love God! He listens!
“Turn back!” he said and I did
“Stand!” My Spirit said again. I obeyed.
The only thing I could see was my husband’s laptop. It was closed but was blinking on and off. I felt peace that that was what God want me to see.
As I walked towards it, my heartbeat increased rapidly.
What is it oh Lord?”
“Daughter, my grace is sufficient for you” I heard. I sighed heavily.
There must be something problematic in there!
As I walked to the laptop, I made the sign of the cross, closed my eyes deeply before opening. It was the browser that came forth. I relaxed and closed the page. Then, I went to the Recent Folder. It was his videos and some office document that were in there. I checked his video folder. It was just Joyful Noise, Let it Shine, Akeelah and the Bee and the Madea series that were there. I smiled.
My husband and black American Movies though!
What is it that God wants me to see then?”
I opened the Browser page again. I clicked down the history cache and what I saw threw me off balance into the armchair- Porn sites!
Dave? My David? My husband! Porn?! God forbid! When did that start? How?
I started shaking
I closed the browser and stared into blank space like a lunatic.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Not Dave! Not someone I looked up to for spiritual guidance. Not someone that preaches against all these vices in church. Obviously not Dave!
I resumed my crying session. Whatever happens should happen o. I am ready for battle between us. I am ready to fight this. Why would Dave cheat on me?
I felt he had cheated on me with a thousand ladies he might have seen their nakedness. I was pained!
If he had started doing this before we got married, I will never forgive him for being untruthful to me. If he just started, I will never ever ever forgive or forget because it means I am not enough for me.
“Liz…” the Holy Spirit called me in his familiar tone but I waved the still voice off.
This is fire for fire!
No wonder he no longer found it interesting to talk to me.
No wonder my naked body wasn’t appealing to his eyes again.
My tummy had become bigger in his eyes and the stitched spot of the cesarean session that was done on my body when I wanted to give birth to Blossom had made me disgusting to look at!
No wonder Dave!
I thought i married a perfect christian fit for the kingdom of heaven!
I thought I married someone someone that would guide me through the heavenly way.
“Liz, take it easy… ” The Spirit spoke again.
I beat my lap to shake His voice.
“It seems the Holy Spirit doesn’t understand at all.” I said to myself
Where is the guy I thought I married???
Somebody should talk to me please!
I wept so tirelessly!