Lizzy Oyebola Oyekunle March 14, 2016
Photo credit :Internet
         Photo credit :Internet

Written by : Faith Ijay Ezenwere

 

As I laid on my bed, staring at nothing in particular; I recounted how it all began six years ago.

It was at a prayer vigil.

Shortly after the vigil, a lady walked up to me telling me that someone wanted to see me and I was like

“Really! Why can’t the person come himself” because it was a HE.

I can’t recollect her response but I remember declining her request.

She didn’t press further but she left after getting the information of the local district church I attended.

A YEAR LATER (2010)

A tall, fair complexioned young man accosted me on my way home from church. It was just at the entrance of the church.

“I was the young man that asked to see you the day you came for a prayer vigil at my local district church”.

“Oh really! I said, arching my eyebrow.

“So how may I help you”. I asked politely.

He succinctly told me his aim, purpose and mission. In a nutshell- MARRIAGE.

I had just gotten admission into the tertiary institution and was about to leave for school.

Trust me when I say marriage was the least on my agenda at that moment.

So I told him I was going to pray about it. – A statement I wished I never uttered. I should have declared lack of interest immediately

A simple “I’m sorry, but I am not interested, try again somewhere else would have settled everything”.

I also asked why he didn’t go to make his intentions known first to the institution that handles marriage matters in the church (as was our tradition in my church)

His response was :

“Well, I wanted to know your response first before going to meet them”.

“Ah! Bro, is that not backyard ministry?” i thought inside me.

I didn’t tell him that though.

We parted ways after exchanging contacts.
2011
What really happened in here?

Ok!

His calls started coming in to probably remind me that though I was studying, there was someone waiting for me. He also visited me in school during one of his business trips.

2012

Was I really praying about it?

No would be an appropriate answer!

I wouldn’t blame it solely on my academics because I just wasn’t interested in him.

Clearly put, there was no point of attraction between both of us especially from my own side.

His calls began to get to me. It was wearing me out. At this point I asked again why he wouldn’t meet with the leadership of the church on the matter.

Again his response was, “I didn’t want to go there first because they matchmake people”

“Wait, I’m kind of lost here, could you explain please?” I retorted

“When my sister wanted to get married, they told the young man that came for her hand in marriage that she was still in school and advised him to rather go for someone that is ready for marriage”.

I investigated this assertion and was told nothing of such had ever happen.

I’m not ruling out the possibility that it may be true though.

Anyways, I added salt to injury by encouraging him to go and meet the committee.

I extended a hand of fellowship that should have been cut off.

But did the doubts about him go away?

No it didn’t.

It was so strong.

There was so much skepticism about him. Something was telling me this brother wasn’t real.

My relationship with God as at this time was still at the formative stage. It was at the surface level. No deepness yet. So shallow!

But my spirit was not accepting him at all.

His calls were mostly laden with stories of how God spoke to him concerning me through dreams.

Of how he was warned not to go his own way or else somebody, definitely not I will die.

Now that I think about it, was that supposed to scare me or what?

It was really getting interesting! And yes, he visited yet again during this period.

2013

The hesitation and irritation were getting stronger. So I had to tell him, I couldn’t do it any longer.

”There is nothing pulling me to you” I bluntly told him.

He gave me one thousand and one reasons why I was the one.

He again recounted how he was 101 percent sure of his convictions.

I consulted my leader for counseling.

He scolded me, telling me how disappointed he was to know that I allowed this to go on to this stage before telling him and straightway told me to call the whole thing off.

At this moment, my relationship with God was taking shape and was pointing at the deeper direction.

I prayed with a clearer and relaxed mind unlike before. I let go of the angers and resentments. I sought the face of God.

Still nothing happened.

I made this known to him. He told me I wasn’t really praying enough and I was like, ”Is it until I do a 40 days and night fast that you will know that I’m praying.”

Revelations through dreams started coming in.

They weren’t pleasant as they were all channeled towards the direction of regret brought about by wrong choice of a marriage partner.

The dreams came consecutively.
2014

The last straw that broke the camel’s back that made me vehement about my ‘NO’ response was a revelation I received during this period.

The voice of God was becoming clearer as my relationship with him deepened.

And so in this dream, he came visiting my house; I welcomed him with all pleasure and offered him a seat. I was very peaceful in the dream. So we were chatting at the back of the house when dad beckoned on me to come get food for our dog in the cage. I excused myself and went to get the food. Upon my return, I met a dog instead. Meaning he changed to a dog. On seeing me, the dog jumped on me trying to grapple the food meant for our dog. I shouted at it to at least allow me drop the food on the ground but he wouldn’t bulge as he persisted in his quest to get the food from me by all means. I got infuriated, threw the food away and chased him out of the compound.

Now out of the compound, he changed back to a human with a different face. He began to cry at this point telling me how he has been waiting for me only for me to throw him out. Sympathy welled up within me and I called him back into the compound.

One thing is clear; saying yes to someone out of sympathy was way out of the question as this was so evident in the dream.

This time around I called him and told him I CANNOT marry him though refusing to tell him the dream I had despite his pleas to know. He said he wanted to meet with my pastor.

I connected them. My pastor talked much with him. I was so relieved that at last, he will let me drink my water and keep the cup in peace.

But that joy was short-lived as he called me some days after telling me how he had not been having peace of mind ever since.

Phewww, to think I was free!

2015

I warned him to stop calling me and if he must do so, that should be through his pastor.

I changed location here and he still traced me to my new location through his pastor.

Fast forward(End of the year)

He called yet again, making his case as to why I shouldn’t say no at this point that he had waited for a long time.

Where would he start from?

He believed the will of God in marriage for someone cannot be two.

What should he do next?

These were questions he raised that sincerely I don’t have answers to.

“You will never regret marrying me. If its love, it doesn’t come automatically, it will grow in the marriage. I don’t want a woman that will bring down my ministry…” he continued with determination.

I was at a loss. What have I gotten myself into?

A union between two people can’t be formed on a sympathy ground.

Feelings have to be mutual. Two cannot walk together except they are in agreement. Through all this years, my feelings still remains the same from the onset. Thoughts of him send cold shivers down my spine.

No, I simply cannot do this!

2016

He called few days ago requiring an answer as he hadn’t heard from me or the church committee on marriage. I politely told him a NO.

‘I can’t do this’ I cried desperately.

‘I had been saying no from the beginning but you just refused to bulge. I have prayed, been praying and still praying; but there seem to be no conviction, no peace of mind, no assurance, no love; Nothing but DOUBTS AND SKEPTICISM.”

So he said,

”why you didn’t say no from the onset. If you had, I would have met my leaders to properly guide me into praying the right way. Your NO only started in 2014.”

And then, flooding into my heart were guilt, condemnation and fear;

“Don’t you think this is wickedness? You allowed him stay all these years only to tell him off. Six years plus is not a joke girl. Do you think he will let go easily. What if he does something drastic?

What if?

Just what if?

I should have ended this from the beginning. I shouldn’t have allowed it to drag up to this length, breadth, height and width.

I guess some things are not just meant to happen.

Do you think she has been unfair to this young man? Your candid opinions will be appreciated!

 

Written by: Faith Ijay Ezenwere 

8 thoughts on “I should have said No!

  1. Very very unfair!
    I’m a guy if any girl does that to me, it will not be funny 4 both of us.
    She should hav been sincere with him.

    Hiss

  2. Hmmm… I tend to teach greatly on marriage and counsel people on marriage and I have treated a similar issue. Let me begin with this: proverbs 31:10 (MSG) A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. A good woman is always spotted by men who go to God in prayers. Look at this. That is why a lady can have close to Ten guys coming to her saying “God said, you are my wife” “I had a dream/vision about you”. They might not be lying. They might be sincere. Why? If a good woman is hard to find then the good ones who are spotted in the place of prayer are chased after. (Its a long teaching anyway). Now: the girl was actually meant to check her spirit, discern the intent of the young man and ask for directions and then once she was sure of her decision, then present her case and close the case. Now, to the guy: the guy would have pressed more in the spirit to get what he wants. Matthew accounts for this “the kingdom of God suffers violence and only the violent takes it by force”… Press more in the spirit and watch…

  3. My opinion

    I do not want to put all the blame on you(the girl).. Though you made a mistake of not saying your NO on time, I will advice you to still forgive yourself.. I think that the guy is a desperate one, so even if you had told him earlier, he would still be pursuing…some guys are just……. I dont know which word is most suitable to use… ANNOYING, FRUSTRATING, DESPERATE…
    I had an experience when I was in school.. This guy proposed and I gave him a polite NO response early enough yet, he wouldnt stop disturbing me and persuading me to consider him…..
    If the guy wasnt desperate, he should have stopped since 2014 that you gave him a NO answer… I dont pray that he should do something to hurt Himself o, but whatever happens to him as a result of this issue, you are not responsible for it… Please, stop feeling guilty about it… Have peace in your soul….

  4. But wait oooo, I hope this story isn’t a true life story oooo. Keeping bro on hold for over 6yrs without making up your mind is really really pathetic.

    Thank God for the word of God.The Bible is a sure guide for us to have the best of ALL promises the lord has already prepared for us. But its saddening lots of people have given less time to their confidant [The word of God]

    I’ve once been in same shoe as bro in the story, though I knew little or next to nothing to what marriage entails.

    I still remember when I expected to get a YES from a sister but to be candid, I wasn’t ready to go into it then….. I was only carried away by the excitement and how our interaction had waxed stronger plus the values I saw in her which overshadowed my resistance not to ask her out without following the laid down procedures in my church.

    But thank God for the sister, She didn’t say she will think or pray about it but rather she took her time that same hour to break the whole thing to pieces for me to understand better what I was trying to bring up…. after series of questions from her to me and me to her, I had to come to reality that I wasn’t ready at all and it was all lust all the way.

    After siting lots of illustrations and examples, though I had a bad night but I got a great response that made me even crave more of her….. She concluded…. see eh, let us just be friends.
    And today, by the grace of God, we’ve been real friends and even better interaction than ever before.I got to know more about her strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, her priorities, her goals, lots and lots of things.

    I thank God she did not say Yes neither did she say No but it All ended that we remain friends and today we are more than just friends with no hidden motive.

    Everything just happened naturally without understanding.

    Overtime, after studying the word and had to dig deep into topics like this [Marriage]. Its well revealed in the Bible, the first union in the Bible [Adam and Eve]…when Adam saw his Helpmeet as God named Eve but called woman by Adam, you’d observe that there was total submissiveness from the wife.

    Adam NEVER knew Eve before they met, Isaac Never knew Rebecca as well before they met.

    There was no doubt between either of the partner. When Rebecca departed from her Fathers house with Abraham’s master servant to meet Isaac in the field, you’ll observe that there was total recognition right from afar…… Rebecca sensed it that that was his husband distant away and she instantly put on her veil over her face.

    In time past even during our parents time I guess, they need not to go into days fasting……infact Adam was in a deep sleep when his Eve was created [He didn’t struggle to get her]….. also Isaac never hustled or maneuvered through all means to get Rebecca but he was on the field and just prayed a short prayer after which he raised up his head and behold he found…. his Helpmeet arrive.

    Friends, there is no need to battle for what God has already planned for us before time. God created both male and Female.I have mine, you have yours.Don’t force your way through to get another man’s woman.

    All we need to do is to wait on the Lord, because in His timing, He himself will lead us to our Helpmeet without ANY struggles and she will happily and peacefully say YES…just as Rebecca said..”Yes, I will go”

    But these days, you know our sisters na…..even if you tell them with All convictions from heaven to earth that she is the one, they will still do shakara for us.So they can have us begging them continuously.Just to know the value of what we’v found.

    But with prayer, it all gets easy.

    My brother, its not yet too late after 6yrs. let me tell you something. Leave the struggles.Continue with your daily routines.Let God have his way in your life.When the time comes, you’d be surprised how it will happen.Ooooh… you mean you age? Don’t worry ehh…God has a perfect plan for you….You just keep trusting on God in prayers.

    My Sister, when bro finally comes knocking and you are convinced he is truly the one and there is that peace of mind that flows within you that makes you submit ALL of yourself to him even before him saying a word.

    Haba!!!!…No need to give him stiffer test na making him go up and down having praying nights when all is already settled but you just want to see him beg n beg till you are over satisfied.That’s punishment and you’re likewise punishing yourself.

    Pray…and when you get that assurance, no need to waste time anymore. Just say Yes I will and let the great journey begin.

    The Lord guide us…..Amen.

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