TALK ABOUT IT
Ajayi Taiwo Odion
In Deborah’s room
“Daddy, why all this” I cried, on my knees praying to God.
“I am a very emotional person and you know it, why are you allowing me go through so much pain. I don’t even know what I did. I love Tolulope, Lord. I really do” I continued with my tears.
I am a major Sanguine by temperament and I hate heartbreaks, before getting to know God I didn’t get to experience a major heartbreak, all the heartbreaks I experienced were lust-derived but this was love-derived. When I got into the University, the very first person I opened my heart to was Tolu, she meant a lot to me, I was so sure I loved her but for a month now, our friendship seems to be going down the drain.
I don’t really know how to express myself face to face when it comes to settling misunderstandings, so I wrote her a letter, expecting a reply but I got no response. She refused to talk about it and the distance got wider.
It affected me as I can be very emotional, I couldn’t read well even though exams were forthcoming.
In Tolulope’s room.
“I am really unhappy, we’ve been friends for years and she was not meant to do what she did. She now had the guts to write me a letter apologizing and asking me what she did, is she insinuating that she does not know what she did?” These were the thoughts that flowed through my mind as I ruminated on all that happened in the last one month.
Deborah was my very good friend, we ate together, wore the same attires sometimes, wherever you saw Deborah, be sure to see me, we prayed together sometimes, meaning we were both Christians, we were not room mates but I visited her room as though it was mine, I loved her so much until last week when she offended me, I had caught her talking and laughing with someone I didn’t like, I didn’t know what they were talking about but I didn’t like the fact that they looked happy together.
On getting to my hostel, I was fuming and my roommate, Shade asked what was wrong, I recounted all I had heard telling her that I was waiting to pour out my mind immediately she comes in.
“Don’t!” she shouted.
“Don’t what?” I asked.
“You don’t need to tell her anything” she continued.
She told me how Deborah had been backbiting, she even said she had overheard her telling the other girl about my parent’s divorce and all other personal stuff.
“What” I shouted.
I couldn’t believe my ears, I just didn’t understand why it had to be Deborah. I thanked Shade and went to bed.
When I woke the next morning, I heard she came to my room while I was asleep.
“Thank God I was asleep” I muttered.
I stopped going to her room, I started giving her a form of distance, I stopped eating with her, I stopped wearing the same thing with her.
I was on my way out one day when she saw me and gave me a note. In the note, she said she noticed the distance, and that she’s sorry for whatever she had done, she talked about how much she loved me and didn’t want to lose me. That night, I went to her room, greeted her and left. I didn’t reply to the note, I wasn’t ready to talk to her about what she did or what happened.
One day, the coordinator of the fellowship called the both of us and started talking
“After listening to the both sides of the story, I will say that I am disappointed. If you were truly friends that loved each other like you claimed, you would have talked about this matter. Don’t you know that a misunderstanding or quarrel not talked about may lead to a wall/distance forever? You both are not babies, even if the accusation was true, shouldn’t you have settled? To think that it wasn’t entirely true.”
“You, Tolu, she wrote you a letter and the best you could do was to ignore, right? That’s really bad. Do you know that your roommate cooked up the whole story out of envy and jealousy of you both? Maybe we were all wrong, maybe it wasn’t a true relationship after all.”
“If it was, little things or even mighty things shouldn’t have turned it upside down. You see, in relationships it is normal for misunderstandings, quarrels to come up but if you really value and cherish the relationship, talk about it. It goes a long way in making the relationship a stronger one.” He explained calmly, yet very firm. He prayed with us thereafter.
We still talk but sadly the wall that has been built won’t come down.
If misunderstandings are not talked about when due, walls/distance built may last for years or even forever.
Talk about it!