CUDDLING IN THE CHURCH?
Written By: Esther Ibukunoluwa Oyekunle
Ademide, 24, was lucky to have been mobilized for her NYSC after three years of graduation. She was a regular “church-attender” who loved God dearly but within her, she knew there was more about God she needed to know. Check through her phone and you would find several sermons of Joshua Selman, Gbile Akanni, Chingtok, Daniel Olukoya amidst others.
As she prepared to go to Ondo, her state of service, she purposed in her heart to serve God the way she had never done before. On arrival at the camp, she attended the Nigerian Christian Corpers’ Fellowship (NCCF) and saw a lot of persons who like her, had come to seek God. During the prayer and worship sessions, she would usually be led in the Spirit and was away from her present standpoint. It was always a refreshing hour for her.
After camp was over, she had made series of friends; brothers and sisters, and they all planned to stay at the state family house of the NCCF especially if they were blessed enough to be posted to the state capital. As they received their posting letters, just two out of her camp cliques together with her were posted to the state capital. And as they heard, the PPA was close to the family house so for sure, they would not take the accommodation provided by the PPA but they would stay at the family house.
She, Bosun and Yemisi packed their luggage and traveled down to Akure that Tuesday afternoon and were welcomed amidst jamborees into the family house. Ademide was particularly glad as this was a dream come through. She and Yemisi moved to the sisters’ wing while Bosun moved to the brothers’ wing and they were assigned to their individual rooms.
Two months after, Bosun was made the State Prayer Secretary. It was surprising because he was not announced in camp but it was later discovered that the person they earlier had in mind redeployed and after Bosun had been understudied for months, he was found worthy by all the camp committee to be elected as one. Ademide was glad and prayed for strength for him.
After the handing over, everyone knew Bosun and admired him. He was different among all others. He spoke with so much zeal whenever he preached, and you would never find him jesting or playing around. He was disciplined and many persons respected him. Ademide was happy he was her friend but she became worried when she noticed that Bosun hardly had her time. She had no ulterior motive, but she missed their union of fellowship, prayers and study and she hoped that he would hand over soon so they would have time together with God.
Luckily for her, it was as if Bosun had read her mind and he started checking up on her. He would call her to know how she was fairing and she was always happy to be around him. They got close again and he would ‘gist’ her about his office experience and she would also explain how she had struggled to keep up with her personal Bible study because of the many activities in the house. He was not so happy about this, and so he drew a study timetable for her and encouraged her to always follow it.
Ademide was glad to have such a mentor. She followed the study guide and didn’t hesitate to share her dreams and visions with him whenever they talked. To her, she was growing spiritually again and was glad. Two weeks later exactly was her birthday. She promised to give the day to the Lord and so went to a nearby church to seek God the face of God. Just before she started praying, Bosun’s call came in. She picked it up excitedly and he said he would come see her so they could pray together. She was glad that her power house was coming and was certain that the year would definitely be a great one for her.
He got there and they talked. In the course of the discussion, he proposed a relationship to her. He said he never had any feelings for her until recently when it became so intense and he told God about it. He said the feelings didn’t fade away and he was sure that God wanted her to be his wife. Ademide was shocked to the bones and gave some excuses before she eventually said she would pray about it. She got to the house and could not stop thinking about it. That was the least thing she expected from him, not because she didn’t like him as a friend or mentor, but because she didn’t want to enter into a relationship at that time.
Few weeks after, he called that he wanted to meet with her at the same church. The church was owned by one of the patrons of the fellowship and people from NCCF had access into it anytime they didn’t have service at the church. It was usually quiet and serene so many persons from the house went there to pray. She got there before him and waited for for a few minutes till he showed up. He asked how she was fairing and encouraged her, as always.
After praying for her, he said he needed to go but not until after a hug. She smiled and then did. To her, there was no big deal, as hugging was a normal way of greeting in the family house. But after 2 minutes of embrace when he still had not released her, she started getting uncomfortable.
“Prayo!” She yelled, and he came back to life. “What’s wrong with you? Why did you hold me so much that way?” Then he answered looking not so satisfied.
“I’m sorry, I needed it. Thanks for hugging me. It made me remember my mum’s hug.”
“Ehn ehn? Okay now. You can go now. Please leave” She replied feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
To cut the long story short, that was the beginning of ‘cuddling in the church’. He had graduated into rubbing her back with his hands and when she felt uncomfortable, she would quickly push him aside and run away.
“What? What has come over him? Ademide, what exactly is wrong with you too?” She would keep asking herself, very disappointed in her ‘mentor’ On one thought, she felt he really didn’t mean any harm, and on the other, she sensed that he was already being carried away by her body makeup. She decided to send him a text and then create a distance.
To help him and herself alike, she sent a long message one day describing what she felt was happening. The ‘mentor’ apologized for a while then was defensive shortly after. He felt that she was being too overly sensitive.
To cut the long story short, she forgave him and trusted him again. She would respond at every call, and the “goodbye hugs” graduated into sessions of more cuddling. One very day, it went as far as he using his mouth to kiss her face all over, but how Ademide tried to cover her lips from being kissed is what I don’t know.
One very day, she couldn’t help bit burst out crying, “What exactly do you want from me? Is it marriage, mentorship or my body?”
The words must have hit him badly as he burst out crying too. He apologised and said it was marriage. He told her to forgive him that it would be the last time it would happen and he pleaded that she should not allow the issues to make her change her mind. Ademide got back to the house sobbing. It happened the 5th time already! A thought crossed her mind; “Why are you all worked up? He didn’t kiss your lips or sleep with you, he only cuddled you.” She rebuked it instantly and knew the devil was speaking. She fell on their knees and prayed to God.
Her sisters in the room noticed that something was wrong with her and questioned her. She didn’t know how to tell them that their lovely and disciplined “Prayo” had just violated her body. Yes, she felt very violated. She had not done any of those things even with any guy before and then, her spiritual mentor? She was broken and trusted God for forgiveness.
The next day, he saw her and apologized again! She told him she had forgiven him, and there, he asked if she was still praying about his proposal. She was shocked to the bones that he could still ask for a proposal after all that happened. Was he not remorse?
He persuaded her and explained the fact that no one was above temptation. He pleaded with her and even told her that who knows whether God knew he had such a weakness and then brought her his way. Her walls were brought down again and she said she would think about it.
She told a few friends in the house and they were so happy for her. She couldn’t tell people about all that transpired between them but she really wished she could. Everyone felt it was going to be a good combination because they were both spiritual and so, many persons close to her were positive about it. Not too long after that, she gave him a positive response. She told him she had prayed about it.
So, Ademide said ‘yes’ to Oga cuddler despite all the red signals! What a great mistake from her part! And don’t be too surprised, so many people are also making the mistakes! They keep sin undercover because of the spiritual status of the sinning mentor or what people would say!
Beloved, she had not even informed her parents, siblings or pastor before that time. She gave the response out of tension, if I must say. And of course, the relationship ended after three months. Well, I would say it was an answer to prayers on all sides because if you rush into something without God’s backing, you would definitely rush out of it.
Now, that is one of the porosities of NCCF and other Christian fellowships alike. Honestly, you get to meet with serious believers and also wolves in sheep’s clothings! The young brother prays, studies, and tongues for hours does not mean he would make a good husband or he is meant for you. Beyond the anointing, there are a lot of things he might be battling with and if you are not careful, you might be the scape goat and all you will eat afterall is ‘sorry’. Despite all the anointing of Samson, he fell down flat!
Many people think that the Valentine’s Day is only violated by unbelievers and all. That is why I have decided to create a scenario (Though it’s a rewritten true life story) so you and I can understand that it happens even right there in the church, in the fellowship!
Ladies, never should you allow any man under the umbrella of “spirituality” talk you away from God’s original purpose of your life. Be wise in your dealings and be careful how you relate with people. Because he is your pastor or a man of God does not mean he does not have blood flowing through him! Luckily for a lot, anointing has covered their excesses and ladies who are not careful get their lives destroyed in the process of studying with brother so and so.
Little things matter actually. A little hug, a little touch, a little peck- lead to quaking and trembling till the walls of your sexual purity crumble flat!
And my dear brother, thank you for being a great mentor and a spiritual father. But please, every man would give an account of how he handled the souls apportioned to him. If you think no one would know, or because others are doing it, you take advantage of that young lady you have with you, heaven would bear you record. Trust God for your own relationship, friendship and marriage, and it would come.
Dearest, if you do not love her (him), leave her (him)! Don’t be carried away by those packages because they would wane out one day. Today is said to be lovers’ day, what is your aim? The girlfriend or boyfriend you are with, are you really willing to spend the rest of your life with her (him)? Who gave you the leading to enter a relationship with her? What are your plans for today? You don’t know the end of your time, dearest, be watchful!
And ladies, you think that lady was too soft, right? Maybe, maybe not. I’m sure Ademide months before then would have thought the same thing, but alas, she found herself in the situation. I tell you, if you think you can stand, take heed so you wouldn’t fall. And sincerely, if you’re faced with this situation tomorrow, would you be able to sail through?
Happy Valentine’s Day.