Costly Assumption

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Written by: Oyekunle Esther IbukunOluwa

I scrolled through my BBM chats to be double sure that I had not seen “double”.

A day would never complete without Tosin telling me she loves me.

So, what exactly is happening now?

Have I missed it?

For crying out loud, this is a lady that even if I offend her a hundred times, she would simply ignore it, and tell me that her love for me was far more than that.

I had always been pleased that I had someone like her, who I could vouch for as a lover, anytime and day.

Now, what could be wrong? Why would she do this to me?

(2 weeks back)

“Tosin, I am so happy! My admission into the University of Lagos for my PhD programme has clicked.” Michael screamed as he entered Tosin’s house.

“Yayyy! I couldn’t be any happier than this, my love. Glory be to God.” Tosin replied, locking the door. “This is a new beginning for you, you know?” she said, sitting down.

“Yes, for us. (a little frown). There is this thing I’ve always wanted to tell you” He continued.

“Ehn ehn… what’s that? I’m all ears, dear” she said, crossing her legs opposite him.

“I know how well you love me…” he said, looking straight into her face.

“(Smiles) Oh yes… I really do”

“And I’m sorry…” he said, facing down

“For…?” she asked, shocked

“For all those times I have ignored the profession of your love for me. I was either saying; ‘thank you’ ‘God loves you better’ ‘I appreciate your concern’ ‘I….”

“Errrmmm… true” she nodded

“I’ve only been shy…” he looked at her

“Oh…” she said, widening her eyes.

“Yes, but now… I really don’t feel there’s any more to be shy about. At 27, I’m old enough to take decisions. So, Tosin, I have prayed well, and since you love me, as I do, I want you to consider spending the rest of your life with me.” He said, sweat all over him.

“Ehn? Marry you? Ah ah… my brother, ermm.. you know…” she started saying, shaking her head.

“Yes, I know. I know I have really hurt you….” he cut her short.

“That’s not what I’m saying bro, that’s not it. You see… the thing is, the ‘I love you’ thingy is part of me… I say it to virtually all my friends… and that’s because it’s a command in our church. My pastor says it pays to show love, and that…” She explained on

“Are you saying…” he looked frightened

“Yes. I’m trying to say that I love you, but do not have any feelings for you. There isn’t any string attached. You’re a very good brother tho…” She said, frowning.

“Seriously!” Obviously shocked.

“Yes, my brother. Actually, I have always loved being around you. I learn a lot from you, and since there was no way I could repay you.. I adopted the “I Love You” thing.”

“I have been stupid. Tosin, I was only being shy, please…” he pleaded, standing up and moving close to her.

Tosin frowned…

“This morning’s message makes it the 63rd time you’d tell me you love me in 2 weeks. I had been waiting for when you’d tell me what you really wanted for us… I could not just express myself in return. You have been a very good friend…” he explained again.

“Wow… you were actually counting? I have actually lost count of the number of times I’ve used those words in the last two hours… I am so sorry if you took those innocent words serious, I’m so sorry. Simply go on with your life.”

“Oh no!!! I can’t believe this! Am I dreaming?” she said, beating her head with her palm. “marriage ke!”

When you discover that a lady keeps doing all that for you, is it not okay that you strongly ask her to define her intentions?
Also, you notice that you have started having feelings for her, but you are giving her no sense of direction, and yet, you expect her to patiently wait for you till you are wise enough to gather yourself together?

No, those days of Eve are over. Women are very wise now. In fact, the wisest of all beings.
Men, confidence is the most powerful weapon that you should have in your tool kit.

The fact is, people weigh those words differently. He or she says “I love you” doesn’t mean he wants to marry you. This is VERY important to understand. It’s possible because he or she only says the “I love you” spontaneously with no string attached. In all, wisdom is profitable.

“Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.”
Proverbs 4:6-7

©Oyekunle Esther IbukunOluwa 2016


  1. philseun

    09/07/2016 at 9:35 AM

    Hhmmnn!! Thanks for the advice.

  2. Goddebby

    09/07/2016 at 5:55 PM

    Uhm! it really did bless me. Above all I pray for continuity in God’s presence for u. More grace! Dt was creative!


    09/07/2016 at 8:15 PM

    Thank you Esther… God bless you

  4. Maduka Henry O.

    09/07/2016 at 8:20 PM

    Nice one!

    God bless you

  5. TemitopeMercy

    09/07/2016 at 9:09 PM

    lol,funny and didactic….. thanks momma for sharing this wonderful piece with us….more power to ur elbow momma

    1. De-Raconteur - Oyekunle Elizabeth Oyebola

      12/07/2016 at 1:39 PM

      Amen sweet. Thanks so much dear

  6. Revd. Dr. Wale Oyeniyi

    10/07/2016 at 5:04 AM

    Hummmmmmm, the Bible commanded us to love one another. Saying “I love you” has nothing to do with marriage. I agree.

  7. Adebayo Samuel

    10/07/2016 at 3:01 PM

    kudos to you ma

  8. OluwaDamilola Abe

    12/07/2016 at 1:35 PM

    Lol,funny but true. Weldon dear,more grace!

    1. De-Raconteur - Oyekunle Elizabeth Oyebola

      12/07/2016 at 1:36 PM

      Amen. Thanks sweet. God bless you.

  9. Iyanuoluwa

    14/07/2016 at 9:24 PM

    Hmmmm. Please can I share this?

  10. Adebayo Ouwatoyin

    24/05/2017 at 9:16 AM

    hmmm….. although most we ladies think its not a big deal. infact to me, it not a big deal but wen I discover my male frds is taking it all wrong i need to bring it up as a discuss trying to trash it out that it just a mere word. I tink if we want to use that word let’s also look for way to raise that issue either jokingly or seriously to draw the curtain that we don’t really mean it. may God help us before they start saying a lady jilt them.

Kindly leave me a comment below.