I should have said No!

Written by : Faith Ijay Ezenwere

 

As I laid on my bed, staring at nothing in particular; I recounted how it all began six years ago.

It was at a prayer vigil.

Shortly after the vigil, a lady walked up to me telling me that someone wanted to see me and I was like

“Really! Why can’t the person come himself” because it was a HE.

I can’t recollect her response but I remember declining her request.

She didn’t press further but she left after getting the information of the local district church I attended.

A YEAR LATER (2010)

A tall, fair complexioned young man accosted me on my way home from church. It was just at the entrance of the church.

“I was the young man that asked to see you the day you came for a prayer vigil at my local district church”.

“Oh really! I said, arching my eyebrow.

“So how may I help you”. I asked politely.

He succinctly told me his aim, purpose and mission. In a nutshell- MARRIAGE.

I had just gotten admission into the tertiary institution and was about to leave for school.

Trust me when I say marriage was the least on my agenda at that moment.

So I told him I was going to pray about it. – A statement I wished I never uttered. I should have declared lack of interest immediately

A simple “I’m sorry, but I am not interested, try again somewhere else would have settled everything”.

I also asked why he didn’t go to make his intentions known first to the institution that handles marriage matters in the church (as was our tradition in my church)

His response was :

“Well, I wanted to know your response first before going to meet them”.

“Ah! Bro, is that not backyard ministry?” i thought inside me.

I didn’t tell him that though.

We parted ways after exchanging contacts.
2011
What really happened in here?

Ok!

His calls started coming in to probably remind me that though I was studying, there was someone waiting for me. He also visited me in school during one of his business trips.

2012

Was I really praying about it?

No would be an appropriate answer!

I wouldn’t blame it solely on my academics because I just wasn’t interested in him.

Clearly put, there was no point of attraction between both of us especially from my own side.

His calls began to get to me. It was wearing me out. At this point I asked again why he wouldn’t meet with the leadership of the church on the matter.

Again his response was, “I didn’t want to go there first because they matchmake people”

“Wait, I’m kind of lost here, could you explain please?” I retorted

“When my sister wanted to get married, they told the young man that came for her hand in marriage that she was still in school and advised him to rather go for someone that is ready for marriage”.

I investigated this assertion and was told nothing of such had ever happen.

I’m not ruling out the possibility that it may be true though.

Anyways, I added salt to injury by encouraging him to go and meet the committee.

I extended a hand of fellowship that should have been cut off.

But did the doubts about him go away?

No it didn’t.

It was so strong.

There was so much skepticism about him. Something was telling me this brother wasn’t real.

My relationship with God as at this time was still at the formative stage. It was at the surface level. No deepness yet. So shallow!

But my spirit was not accepting him at all.

His calls were mostly laden with stories of how God spoke to him concerning me through dreams.

Of how he was warned not to go his own way or else somebody, definitely not I will die.

Now that I think about it, was that supposed to scare me or what?

It was really getting interesting! And yes, he visited yet again during this period.

2013

The hesitation and irritation were getting stronger. So I had to tell him, I couldn’t do it any longer.

”There is nothing pulling me to you” I bluntly told him.

He gave me one thousand and one reasons why I was the one.

He again recounted how he was 101 percent sure of his convictions.

I consulted my leader for counseling.

He scolded me, telling me how disappointed he was to know that I allowed this to go on to this stage before telling him and straightway told me to call the whole thing off.

At this moment, my relationship with God was taking shape and was pointing at the deeper direction.

I prayed with a clearer and relaxed mind unlike before. I let go of the angers and resentments. I sought the face of God.

Still nothing happened.

I made this known to him. He told me I wasn’t really praying enough and I was like, ”Is it until I do a 40 days and night fast that you will know that I’m praying.”

Revelations through dreams started coming in.

They weren’t pleasant as they were all channeled towards the direction of regret brought about by wrong choice of a marriage partner.

The dreams came consecutively.
2014

The last straw that broke the camel’s back that made me vehement about my ‘NO’ response was a revelation I received during this period.

The voice of God was becoming clearer as my relationship with him deepened.

And so in this dream, he came visiting my house; I welcomed him with all pleasure and offered him a seat. I was very peaceful in the dream. So we were chatting at the back of the house when dad beckoned on me to come get food for our dog in the cage. I excused myself and went to get the food. Upon my return, I met a dog instead. Meaning he changed to a dog. On seeing me, the dog jumped on me trying to grapple the food meant for our dog. I shouted at it to at least allow me drop the food on the ground but he wouldn’t bulge as he persisted in his quest to get the food from me by all means. I got infuriated, threw the food away and chased him out of the compound.

Now out of the compound, he changed back to a human with a different face. He began to cry at this point telling me how he has been waiting for me only for me to throw him out. Sympathy welled up within me and I called him back into the compound.

One thing is clear; saying yes to someone out of sympathy was way out of the question as this was so evident in the dream.

This time around I called him and told him I CANNOT marry him though refusing to tell him the dream I had despite his pleas to know. He said he wanted to meet with my pastor.

I connected them. My pastor talked much with him. I was so relieved that at last, he will let me drink my water and keep the cup in peace.

But that joy was short-lived as he called me some days after telling me how he had not been having peace of mind ever since.

Phewww, to think I was free!

2015

I warned him to stop calling me and if he must do so, that should be through his pastor.

I changed location here and he still traced me to my new location through his pastor.

Fast forward(End of the year)

He called yet again, making his case as to why I shouldn’t say no at this point that he had waited for a long time.

Where would he start from?

He believed the will of God in marriage for someone cannot be two.

What should he do next?

These were questions he raised that sincerely I don’t have answers to.

“You will never regret marrying me. If its love, it doesn’t come automatically, it will grow in the marriage. I don’t want a woman that will bring down my ministry…” he continued with determination.

I was at a loss. What have I gotten myself into?

A union between two people can’t be formed on a sympathy ground.

Feelings have to be mutual. Two cannot walk together except they are in agreement. Through all this years, my feelings still remains the same from the onset. Thoughts of him send cold shivers down my spine.

No, I simply cannot do this!

2016

He called few days ago requiring an answer as he hadn’t heard from me or the church committee on marriage. I politely told him a NO.

‘I can’t do this’ I cried desperately.

‘I had been saying no from the beginning but you just refused to bulge. I have prayed, been praying and still praying; but there seem to be no conviction, no peace of mind, no assurance, no love; Nothing but DOUBTS AND SKEPTICISM.”

So he said,

”why you didn’t say no from the onset. If you had, I would have met my leaders to properly guide me into praying the right way. Your NO only started in 2014.”

And then, flooding into my heart were guilt, condemnation and fear;

“Don’t you think this is wickedness? You allowed him stay all these years only to tell him off. Six years plus is not a joke girl. Do you think he will let go easily. What if he does something drastic?

What if?

Just what if?

I should have ended this from the beginning. I shouldn’t have allowed it to drag up to this length, breadth, height and width.

I guess some things are not just meant to happen.

Do you think she has been unfair to this young man? Your candid opinions will be appreciated!

 

Written by: Faith Ijay Ezenwere