LUST-BLINDED

 

LUST-BLINDED!

 

Dear Daughter/Son,

 

I had gotten to a junction in my life where I realized that my decision can either make or mar my vision, career and destiny.

 

One of such junctions was the day I stood right in front of Roland at the entrance of an hotel room for about 15 minutes. He had been persuading me to go in with him; and standing there dumbfounded, I recalled what kind of lady I had been in the past;   

 

My life had been that of a positive influence. I had touched many lives with my lifestyle, counseled many youths some of which had come back to thank me for the help. Janet is an example of such ladies. Oh Janet!

 

I can’t forget Janet in a jiffy!

 

She was a young lady who lived in Morire Hostel with me while I was an undergraduate student. She had come back to thank me for saving her life by leading her to Christ. She was in a relationship where the boyfriend was always beating her up and also demanding for sex. She would bluntly refuse to do what he wanted and the guy would beat her the more.

 

She suffered so much humiliation that she had to confide in me and then I made use of the opportunity and witnessed Christ to her. After her conversion she was bold enough to declare that the relationship had come to an end. She left the guy after making him understand that she had found a new way; the way that leads to life!

 

But see me now!

Standing that night with Roland, I remembered how far I had gone off track and just at the verge of compromising my faith and killing my vision and truncating my destiny!

 

Rolland was a leader in my fellowship who always wanted me to do certain things in the fellowship like taking the praise worship lead, moderating the testimony time, representing the fellowship at special occasions among others.

 

I felt it was very normal that he did all that to me until I started feeling bad about it. I got fed up at a point.

 

One day, I confided in my roommate – Debby- who encouraged me to see beyond Rolland’s commands and concentrate on doing God’s work without murmuring.

Not long after that, I was becoming uncomfortable as my relationship with him was getting closer than normal. I couldn’t confide in anyone about this as I was probably afraid of not ruining his integrity in the fellowship.

 

Hmm…. The intimacy grew and grew ooo!

 

I became so loosed that I discussed every nonsense that came to my mind with him. He was also free as he instructed me not to bother about calling him a brother. He preferred I refer to him with pet names while he also did that in return.

 

He called me one evening asking if I was in the hostel and I said I was. Unfortunately, my roommate arrived few minutes before he got to my room. He was disappointed. That day, he acted like there was nothing going on between us, you would think that he was still the fiery brother he was known to be.

 

I was so surprised of how wise he was in covering up our relationship. Left for me, I was so much in love with him and I was wishing I could get married almost immediately. There were lots of butterflies in my tummy and I couldn’t resist the urge of imagining the rest of my life with him.

 

The truth is that Rolland was a very handsome guy, his kind of man had always been my dream. He has a thrilling smile that can run any lady mad with love. A man I hardly noticed in the fellowship had suddenly become the major character being featured in my thoughts while sleeping or waking up!

One thing I was sure of was that I was drawing back from God!

 

Of course I was!

 

I knew that if I died at that time, I would go down the way to hell but as much as I wanted to restrain myself, the tempting force held me back. My roommate always had busy schedules and as such had no idea of my relationship with Roland.

We shared so much memories that one would have thought we had known each other for  years, whereas it had just been a month.

 

He would often tell me of how much he loved me and how he would do anything to keep me as his, I felt special and was always moved by the sweet comforting words of his mouth. By the time he asked me out for a special date on a Friday evening, I joyfully said ‘Yes’.

 

You won’t blame me, it was my first date with the love of my life. The one I had grown so fond of!

That evening, he was gorgeously dressed and waited for me patiently like a gentleman. I was beaming with smiles as I couldn’t control my emotions, seeing my man dressed all cute up and knowing that he was waiting for me.

 

It was a nice restaurant, we had a nice meal and a nice time; eating, talking and laughing. I was having so much fun that I lost my time consciousness. It was already 11pm, I had been deceived by the brightness of the fluorescent lighting of the restaurant. Almost immediately I saw what the time was, I stood and he stood too asking me to follow him.

 

Of course I did, ignorantly!

 

Unknown to me, he had booked for a reservation for a room in the hotel whose restaurant we had been eating at. He told me as normal as he could, that we would sleep there (in the same room) and leave as early as possible the following morning.

At that point, I remembered how conscious I used to be of my worth and virginity. I was tempted to go in with him. But the more I wanted to, the more I felt like running and escaping for my life.

 

“Come in Peace. We are cool together. Nothing is gonna happen. Don’t you trust me?” He asked, struggling to be calm

 

“Of course I trust you” I managed to say as I surveyed the snuggy room, standing on my toes

 

“Have I suddenly become someone you can’t come close to now Peace? If you fear all guys, would I be treated the same way?” He asked, almost angrily. His breathing had become faster and made wheezing sound

 

I was confused!

 

What if I enter now and he locks the door?

 

What if he jumps at me and pulls at my clothes?

 

Would I be able to scream?

 

Would I be able to say No?

This was someone I had my emotions high for!

 

The many what-ifs questions ran up my head the more and I shook my head vigorously!

 

He stood there trying to persuade me and at some point his countenance changed and his words were becoming harder.

 

He recounted how much he had spent on the treat, the love he had shown and how much he would love to have me in his arms.

 

At the mention of his arms, I imagined him wrapping his arms round me for real and my stomach dropped as my laps seemed glued together

 

“Oh Lord!” I exclaimed under my breath and before I could say something else, he was close by, his arms round my shoulders and oh the stench!

 

The stench rose to my nose!

 

Where was it coming from?

 

I looked round me and covered my nose, the stench was horrible!

 

“What’s that?” He asked, obviously embarrassed and I moved away from him

 

“I perceive a horrible odour…from you!” I said and I could believe what happened next until I met myself on the floor, trying to look for my chin!

 

He had deposited an impromptu blow on my chin which brought me down to the floor!

 

He was not smelling …what could I have perceived? What?

 

After thinking about the whole thing again, I call that stench a Holy Spirit spray used to open my lust blinded eyes!

I couldn’t believe it was Sister Peace on the floor!’

 

The Fellowship mama who had always lived by example!

 

I couldn’t believe that I that could quote hundreds of Bible off my head could fall for this very very cheap humiliation…No wonder people without God or with little knowledge of Christ fall with little or no restraint!

 

No wonder!

 

I could not believe my eyes that I was in a while walking at the brink of fornicator with a very vibrant brother!…Oh how the mighty are fallen!

 

No wonder Pastor Ijila is always saying backsliding doesn’t just happen in a day and that it is a gradual thing!

 

One dirty phone call today, a dirty body contact tomorrow, a close face to face discussion that makes the hearts grow fonder the next and then, a lone period together, the great fall comes in!

 

Oh my God!

 

As he was about bending down, trying to apologize, I reversed towards the wall on my buttocks, gathered momentum, stood up and took to my heels, before he could try saying anything that would make my heart tingle stupidly!

Getting to my hostel, it was almost twelve midnight. Debby had been expecting me like a mother who was troubled of the whereabout of her only child. She was shaking with worries written all over her face.

 

On seeing me, she expressed a great displeasure for what had happened; she had called me several times but my phone had been switched off.

 

At this time, all I could do was cry.

 

I cried as if that was the only thing I could do!

 

I wept bitterly and she became scared.

 

I went close to her and fell before her feet as if she was my Lord and Saviour!

 

I was very sad, very sad that I had almost fell into something I had always preached against!

 

After she had calmed me down and told me of how she had warmed water for me and had boiled an egg and noodles, I couldn’t help it but break down into tears the more!

 

I told her of what had just happened. I told her of how deep I had gone in my relationship with Roland.

 

She was surprised and disappointed but at the same time was ready to help me back on track with God. She prayed with me that night and I rededicated my life back to God. What a friend indeed Debby was – God bless her for me!

That morning I called my pastor and later went to see him during the day. After narrating my ordeal to him, he was disappointed but also understanding. He spoke to me like his own biological daughter. He prayed for me and the peace of God was restored back to my heart. He called Roland’s line but it wasn’t going through. He stopped attending my fellowship and we lost contact.

 

Hmmmm….!

After my ordeal with Roland, I made up my mind to concentrate more on my academics and avoid any intimate relationship with the opposite sex. I graduated from the university with an excellent grade, I moved on with God and was bouncing in Him every day. I went to serve my father land in Akwa-Ibom State, Eket to be precise and there I found the man whose picture God had shown me in my second year in the University (as my future husband).

By divine providence, we met each other at an annual convention that was held in the state for singles and we became friends. His name was Raymond, sounds like Rolland, I would never forget him but I had moved on.

 

He had so much interest in both my spiritual and physical welfare, he was like my own brother. He was also like a pastor to me. Though I knew that Raymond was God’s choice for me in marriage, I never spoke about it since he was not also saying anything about it. We never for once discussed marital issues except that I discussed Roland with him, and in response he had replied that it was one of the dirty pasts and had encouraged me to try as much as possible to keep myself in the will of God.

Six months later, the church marriage committee called to inform me of a brother who had shown interest in courting me. I was shocked probably because I was unprepared. Of course I was anxious to know who it was. Fortunately it was my dear Raymond, I was amazed and excited at the same time. Necessary things were put in place and we began our courtship. It was such a wonderful time – more fulfilling than my dating days with Rolland. We planned, prayed, and prepared for our home in sight.

 

I would forever be thankful to the Holy Spirit for not leaving me at the time I needed Him the most. I thanked Him daily for His mercy that prevailed over judgment because if not for this divine restraint, I would have followed him and that would have been the terminating point of my career, vision and purpose.

I went for my masters programme and we got married shortly after that. Raymond was promoted in his office to the post of the general manager. He was entitled to an official car with a driver. Surprisingly Roland was one of the company drivers. He was so ashamed he could not look me in the face. When I asked him how life had been all he could say was “Unfair, unfair” as he wept.

 

Whatever he meant by that I wouldn’t know.

I have written my story as a lesson to young guys and ladies who may have dangerous plans for the valentine season or some festive seasons after that or even a normal day. Don’t trade your destiny and your future for a moment of pleasure.

As I conclude my story I can’t but tell you that my husband has been the best husband ever, he helped me continue in the ministry of helping youths fulfil their divine purpose. I have kids now and they are doing very well. Debby, my roommate back in the University days is currently in the United Kingdom, she is married as well and doing fine.

I hope that you pick an important lesson out of my story.

Yours sincerely

#Mrs_Peace_Raymond

 

WRITTEN BY: EKUNDARE RERELOLUWA PRISCILLA

EDITED BY: OYEKUNLE LIZZY OYEBOLA