THE LONGING FOR MARRIAGE: A Christian Article

Written By: Lizzy Oyebola Yakubu

So, the selfie above (not on this blog though, apologies) was taken the day my husband came to propose to me. I was scrolling through my gallery today and found the pictures so I want to share something with you about it.

 

N.B- This blogpost is for singles-. Sisters especially.
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The way a guy proposes in my church is this: You go to the Marriage Committee of the church, inform them of your interest in Sister B, go for medical tests and when you are found okay, the sister is sent for. She is asked to go for tests too and if you are both found to be medically compatible, the brother would be informed to go propose to the sister.

 

On this day, the pastor had informed me that someone was coming from Zaria to propose to me and I was set. That day, I was so excited in my spirit. The Holy Spirit had been saying all sort to me about my husband since about five years before that time and as you can see in the picture, I was so tensed. I couldn’t wait to see if all the Holy Spirit had told me was true. I couldn’t wait to test that of a truth God still leads in my generation, in this age.

 

I secretly and silently told God that it must be this guy! This guy that I had not even known well or been friends with but whose love had engulfed my heart. Let it be him Lord.

 

My hands were cold. My heart was racing. My veins were palpitating.

 

‘Let it be him Lord’ I prayed. Some brothers had come to propose before that time but ‘the one’ was not amongst them!

 

‘I want to be shocked today! I want to know that You really still speak to men! Let it be him, Lord. Then, I will tell the whole world that You are real’ I prayed silently.

 

I had never felt more desirous of a wonderful relationship as I did at that time. I panted after it, fasted for it, prayed for it, read about the successful ones, read about the failed ones, saw movies on godly marriages, discussed real life experiences with women of like passions. Ah…I was thirsty! It was more than anything! I just felt so incomplete. I am telling you.

 

As I sat, waiting for the ‘brother’ to come propose, I prayed. I couldn’t afford another ‘Not the one’ brother coming to propose to me.

 

‘Before the end of this year, I must be in that relationship that You spoke about Lord. The relationship that You promised me. I can’t wait Lord’

 

And if anyone comes to meet me or ask ‘Are you praying’ bla bla bla, I would tell the person expressly that ‘I am praying o.’ ‘Or do you want to go for your PhD first?’ I would laugh and tell them that I will go for PhD o but I want to marry too. Hahaha…I wouldn’t say ‘Is it husband I will eat? Is husband all that matters?’

 

It is not good for a man to be alone! IT IS NOT GOOD FOR A WOMAN TO BE ALONE TOO.

 

Getting married isn’t all that matters but it is a major part of all that matters- especially getting married right!

 

“You know, Lord, I want to get married. I seriously have that longing but I can’t just settle for the less because of the longing. That is why I am coming to you. I see a lot of things on the internet. People tell me that You do not lead anymore but Lord, I believe You still do. I do believe. The thing is so certain. You spoke since a long time ago and You are still standing on Your promises. So, Lord, it is today I will test the validity of all the testimonies you have given me about this brother. May he be the one, Baba”

 

I was so tensed and anxious that I just knew I had to take these pictures and keep them. Hahaha..

 

When my pastor announced that he was around, I shook! He left to go to the next street so he could go usher him to the church. I waited for what seemed like an eternity.

 

Then, I peeped out of the window for the umpteenth time and saw my pastor coming. Looking eagerly behind him, I realized that there was a man following him but he was different from my husband. Ugh! He was quite elderly and ‘daddyish’….ah…

 

Well, I had to encourage myself in the Lord and suddenly, looking closely, I saw the tall, dark, slim, sweet guy in white shirt follow them!

 

ERU OLORUN DE BA MI! (The fear of the Lord enveloped me!)

 

From that moment till the proposal was over, the feeling that took hold of me was too spectacular! The very Presence of the Lord hugged my heart so tightly. That story is for another day.

 

PART 2

Where am I going to today?

 

S-I-N-C-E-R-I-T-Y!

 

Even if you will not be sincere with man. Even if you pretend before a man that you are okay, and fine and really ‘independent’, don’t pretend before yourself and God!

 

It is good for a woman to be educated, have a good career and to develop her skills but when she decides to dwell on all of these at the expense of this vital area of life, it is not balanced.

 

When your friends are preaching ladies ‘being okay alone’ and you decide to follow just because you are friends with such persons, ah, kontinu o. Don’t you know that we have different elasticity points? This lady might stay till 40 and not feel anything for marriage and you will see someone of 22 craving sincerely for marriage- godly marriage and getting it!

 

If you know you are not mature yet. You are a nun. You are not ready. You can’t feel the need yet. You can’t bring yourself to accepting the ‘headship’ of a man…ehn ehn…you can stay single like that till something or a change comes around. But if you can feel the void and you are pretending to everyone that you are ‘independent’ or ‘happy alone’ and you even pretend to God that ‘I don’t really need a man’ or something like that, ah, you are missing o.

 

Some people will just lie to themselves that they are okay. You can see inside of them that they do desire companionship but they are not being sincere with themselves about it. They won’t even be able to read marriage books or attend marriage seminars so their friends won’t say ‘Ah ah, you also wan marry? Which kain book be this wey you dey read? You wan go for marriage seminar? For wetin na?’

 

Ah. For me ehn, I was sincere o. I was so sincere with myself. I got to a point that the Holy Spirit filled me with the hunger, that thirst, that hole, that longing for marriage! I was always telling God about it! I wouldn’t sop telling myself about how I felt too.

 

‘I want to marry and I will. I won’t miss it. Ah, Lizzy, you will not miss o. Lailai! You will be a wise woman. You will get it right…’ I would communicate with myself.

 

When I discuss with a few mummies that I trust in this ‘marital assignment’ and they share some deep things with me, I would slap my shaky laps as my heart skips excitedly. ‘Lizzy, can you hear that? You are the one she is talking too o. Listen attentively!’

 

I was not shy to tell man about it also. Ask my roommates during my Masters and they will tell you.

 

‘Kai! I want to marry o. I want to marry o’ Hahahaha…I screamed it in the ears of my friends till it got to the ears of the Lord, my Father! I cried before my Father till it got to the ears of my husband!

 

What of before my mum? When my mum starts to ask ‘questions’ I wouldn’t hide and form and say ‘Ah, mummy I am not ripe yet o. I want to do these things before I get married o. let marriage rest jare’ No! I would be clear. ‘It is well o mummy. That was why I said you should join me in prayers. Me too I want to get married nah. The desire is greater in me than in you sef’ I would tell her and we would laugh over it. But I had conveyed my message already. Right? Hahaha

 

I am not saying you should go and be telling brothers- both singles and married of this longing of yours o. Naaaah!

 

Neither am I saying you should go meet ‘spiritual matchmakers’….nah!

 

I am only saying that you shouldn’t pretend before them that you are a nun. Or that, you are bigger than marriage. I wasn’t always expressing my mind to everybody. But the people who I knew would join me in prayers and give me rich advices, I never left their sides!

 

When next you go to the Presence of God, remember that there is no formality. Remember that you can tell Him how you feel exactly. Remember that You can bare it all before Him!

 

‘I desire to be married Lord’

 

‘There’s a longing in my heart for marriage Lord’

 

‘Before the end of this year, I desire a godly home Lord’

 

‘Reveal the path You want me to tread to have this longing satisfied in the Name of Jesus.’

 

Stop strangling the feeling because you keep hearing bad news about marriages around you! Marriage is hard work they say but you, under the direction of the Holy Spirit will join hands with your husband and make it work!

 

That others are failing in their marriages does not guarantee your own marital failure too!

 

You should simply ask God to satisfy the longing and thirst with the best ‘water’ not just with any ‘water’ from the gutters or the pig’s sty.

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PART 3

It is God that works in us both to WILL…- I am sure you have read this in the Scriptures before. Therefore, when you have the longing, remember that IT IS THE LORD that is at work in you, creating the thirst and the hunger. He is making you desire this wonderful gift of His. He is causing that desire in you, not to frustrate you but to pull you close and make you pray! The longing for marriage is a spiritual desire created in your being by Your Father, therefore take it back to Him and ask Him to lead you. Also pray warfare prayers against anything that might want to fight the Lord’s glorious plan and purpose for your life because in case you do not know, the Devil no like better things oooo!

 

If you are still very young and the longing is there, don’t push the feelings away. Yet, it doesn’t mean it is time that you should get into marriage. It could be an invitation by the Lord to the PRAYER ROOM because He is interested in your marriage or because He could see that the Devil is very interested in it!

 

I started fully praying for marriage around late 19 years/early twenties and I still believe that I started late- yet I didn’t get married till I was 26. But starting early gave me ample time to receive a lot of information about my man, our calling, our marriage. Starting early gave me ample time to fight spiritual battles because I knew where I was coming from. It gave me the conviction to quickly say ‘No’ to whoever is different from what the Lord had spoken to me about, so there was no need for me to dabble into this or that relationship to see ‘Could it be this person or not?’ and it built my faith a great deal- Oh, starting early built my faith and trust in the Lord! To see that what the Lord had told me about five, six, seven years before, He could be true to it? Oh my, that broke me and pulled me to the Lord more than ever before! Now in marriage, I am able to have more patience while waiting on the Lord for anything because if He has promised it, He will come through as as He did what? CAME THROUGH BEFORE!

 

Therefore, if the longing comes very very early, don’t feel shy or ashamed and wonder ‘Wetin dey do me?’, go into prayers and start learning and writing down all that the Lord has to teach you. You and your marriage must be very special to Your Father, you don’t know how much!

 

This should not in any way make you desperate and then make you jump into one relationship or the other!…Naaah!!! When you start becoming desperate, tell God about it! He didn’t give you the longing to make you desperate, to make you settle for the less or to make you cry or frustrated. He gave you because He wants to fill you! He needs your marriage so much that He would love for you to labour for its birth in prayers!

 

Desperate? Tell God about it!

 

Disinterested? Tell God about it!

 

Fearful? Tell God about it!

 

Embittered? Tell God about it!

 

PART 4

And if anyone comes to tell you that you really do not need a man and that you should come together to form the ‘Successful Singles Group’ so you all can begin to chase other things but marriage, but you know that you really don’t feel what that person feels- that you need an authority to submit to; you need that companionship etc. You know that it’s not because of sex or parents’ hastenings or child-bearing and all alone but there is this special longing you have, throw the philosophy of that person away.

 

It is not good for a man to be alone! IT IS NOT GOOD FOR A WOMAN TO BE ALONE TOO OOOOO!

 

Your man is being alone in the cold, all alone at night, hugging the pillow and asking God to bring you and you are here saying whaaaat?

 

But I must tell you that you need to have that longing for marriage for you to appreciate the marriage when you enter it. When you enter marriage because everyone is getting married, you only want to go and frustrate your man! You try to imagine having two kids, one very hungry and the other, fully satisfied. Now, give them two plates of very delicious Jollof Rice and Fried Fish and watch their attitudes towards the food. It would be fully different. One would relish the meal so greatly and the other will perch on it, throw it around, sleep on it or chew a single spoonful in his mouth for so long. The other child has less appreciation for the meal because he had no hunger for it in the first place.

 

Tell the Holy Spirit to plant the longing in your heart so that you can be pushed into the place of labour that will bring forth to a lively, blissful marriage.

 

‘Lord, feel me with longing for this marriage Lord. I desire to see reasons for marriage. You looked at marriage when You created it and You said it was good! I also want this good gift. Give it to me oh Lord! Make me desire a very blissful Godly home and give me the grace to labour patiently for it in prayer’

 

Hebrews 6:12 (NIV) says: We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

 

With FAITH and PATIENCE, you will inherit what has been promised!

 

Faith is what makes you to go to the Lord in prayer about your marriage when others are choosing with their eyes, brains and through matchmaking. Faith is what makes you cling to the journal that concerns all the testimonies that the Lord has given you about marriage, trusting that they will come to pass. Faith is what makes you tell a potential, rich, fine, sweet brother an emphatic ‘No’ because that was what you heard your Father say!

 

Now, with faith in one hand, you need patience on the other hand. The patience to wait till He speaks. The patience to see Him bring to reality what He’s been showing to you in dreams and visions. Patience to allow Him do His thing without you trying to fix it yourself, pushing yourself to the person you think is the one etc. Patience is a key virtue, pray for it!

 

It is with these two weapons that you will inherit what has been promised. I can tell you so boldly that the Lord still leads! We are in a prayerless generation, no wonder different lies are being fabricated and swallowed up by everyone! Enough is enough!

 

Marriage is still good!

 

Godly marriages still exist!

 

Do not let the failures of other women shape your thinking!

 

You can make it better!

 

DO NOT LIE WHEN YOU FEEL THE LONGING FOR MARRIAGE- NOT TO YOURSELF, OTHERS OR TO GOD!

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